please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think people are normalizing furries
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
