Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
