So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
