I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
