Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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