Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
