In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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