so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
