fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
