there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
