If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
