ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
