The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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