we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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