please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
