Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
