dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
