If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
