batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
