yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
