I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
