maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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