my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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