I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Farmville is her only friend.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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