i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
