Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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