what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
