Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
