Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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