and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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