If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
