never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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