Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
