god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
