right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
