Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
