Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
