just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
