i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
