AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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