youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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