So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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