Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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