Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
