Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
