I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
