Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
