i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
