Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
