I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
