i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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