I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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