Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
no, he came in my armpit
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
