Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she told me i tasted like america
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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