were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
